New meds..life.

I am currently at school, bored out of my mind waiting for Biology to start. God I hate that class. It is insanely boring, and I really like science. It is jsut the teacher, he really doesnt know how to teach at all.

I just got done taking my Psychology test. It wasnt so bad, seeing that I have missed like 3 classes, I still knew most of the material. Hopefully I get an A on it!

Tonight we are just going to a hockey game. We havent gone in a few weeks because of the Olympics, but play resumes and hopefully they win..

My BPD has pretty much been under control since I went on Seroquel. A situation happened the other day where normally I would want to be violent, but I did not even feel rage or anger at all! I felt totally calm, and I am grateful for that! These meds really really are working!!

I am six days sober from sex and love addiction :)

Relapse..

I am now almost a week sober. YES, I was 3 weeks sober, but I "slipped." I sexted one of my friends, and that is one of my bottom lines. For those of you not familiar with sex addiction or love addiction, my bottom lines are things I WILL NOT and CANNOT do. For instance, one of my bottom lines is to not "Sext" other men. Since I did not follow that rule the other day, my sobriety date must start over :(. Just like if I was an alcoholic and took a drink, I am 5 days sober right now, so hopefully I can get to a week again. That is my first goal.

I have had such an urge to text Michael. He is someone I was involved with a few months ago. We never had sex, but we kissed and I felt like I "loved" him. But, it was just my addict acting out. Michael blocked my number bc I cannot call him or send texts to him. I even wanted to call him from a different phone line, but that would just be ridiculous. I guess it is a good thing that he blocked my number, because if he didnt, I would have had to reset my sobriety date yet again.

This whole addiction thing is pretty difficult to deal with, but I actually have been praying lately. When I am down, or stressed, I pray for clarity and strength to get through some tough times in the day. We went to church yesterday. I havent been to church in months, and its funny how we actually decided to go. Me and my fiancee have been talking about finding a church, but one we feel comfortable with. We were kind of just exercising the idea at first. Then, on Friday we wanted to take the dogs for a walk and go rollerblading at this park we came across a few months ago. But, when we got there, the park was closed and we found an empty parking lot to park at and just walk the doggies around an apartment complex. This was not just any parking lot though!! It was a huge church parking lot. After we peeked inside, we went home and looked it up online. It was non denominational, you can wear jeans, and they have tons of things for college-aged people! I really dont think this is just a coincidence either. I really think God put us in that spot at that very time. We decided we were going to go there on Sunday, and we did! It was actually very nice and we are going to go back again.

School is going well, I got an A on my math test again! I am very pleased with myself with my grades. Biology is another story..we havent had any grades in that class yet, and the mid term is Thursday. But, we can drop the midterm and place it with something else, which is probably what I am going to have to do!

My fiancee and I are good. We havent been fighting as much, but when we do, I havent felt like punching him. I am now on Seroquel and Celexa. I got these new meds from my Doctor last week, and they seem to be working. Seroquel really knocks me out though, hopefully it gets in my system soon and I get used to it quickly!