'Right where I was before..

I have NEVER been abused sexually or physically by anyone in my entire life, so what excuse do I have for ending up a love addict? I have tried to make this addiction disappear, but I cant. A real addiction will not just disappear on its own. In fact, it will never disappear.

For about a full month (up until a few days ago) I have been "Clean." I have not texted anyone raunchy or inappropriate things, nor have I met up with any men behind my fiancee's back. This line in the book Love sick fits me to a "T"

"Vaguely I recognize it is wrong to seduce a man when I am engaged to be married. Then, I try to set standards. I try to admit there might be a problem here. I try to imitate what I consider normal behavior. I cook, clean..I am especially diligent on the job. I am quiet, proper, bland, and calm. But, I am not really sober. Because eventually, whether after four days or four years, this blandness makes me restless and edgy. Then, I find a man, and I am right smack back where I began this cycle of addiction."

Even though I have been "clean" for a month or so.. I have texted certain men inappropriate things that I shouldnt and I am right back to where I started. One of them wanted me to pick them up from the airport, and thankfully my wise mind told him I couldnt. I looked into sex addiction meetings and there is one for this week. I think I am going to go.