Laaaaaa

Haven't been on here in almost a month, that has GOT to change. This blog is very theraputic for me, and I need to post more often!

Its only Tuesday and I am waiting for Friday! I have had a bad last few days, angerwise. I have been off my meds for 4 days because I am lazy and did not get them filled on time before I ran out! That probably doesn't help my state either. I depend on that medicine, especially for sleep. When I don't get enough sleep I am miserable. But these last few days, my sleep has not been that bad. It isn't like I am irritable either. Its like I am pissed off at EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and do not want anyone around me or want to be around anyone either. I kinda wish my fiance was out of town or something and I had this house to myself to BLAST music during the day (cant because he works from home and is always on the phone), or watch a movie of MY choice. (Actually you know what, I am doing that STAT.) I just never get the house to myself. He is ALWAYS here, and it is really straining our relationship. I NEED independence from him. I love when I take vacations and he doesnt come. Its not like I hate him or want nothing to do with him, but I need to grow as an individual, but I don't know how to do that when I am engaged. Everything is shared with him. Even when we go out to dinner, the waiter or watress lets him taste the first glass of our bottle of wine, and never ask me if I like it or not, which I didnt, I hated it.

I did have an amazing weekend with him though. We went to Saint Augustine, shopped, went on a date to an Italian restaurant, went on a ghost tour, and we brought one of our doggies. It was really fun and I really wish we couldve stayed longer, but we had to get back to the Monday-Friday grind.

I need to get out of this anger funk right now though. I did some damage to a door last night because I was being ignored..so now we have to buy another door. I just cannot imagine what our landlord would say if he knew that we had to replace some things in this house.

Well, I am taking my meds regularly again, hopefully I will get them filled in time next time I need to go to CVS. After a few bowls, I feel better. Whenever I am high I feel better, confident, and overall GOOD. It's a shame that its illegal and frowned upon so much. People need to stop being so close minded and realize the benefits of it.

We need help. We need couples counseling, I need to go to individual therapy and so does he.