Angry and Crazed

* I stay away when pissy;
* I walk away when I'm angry.
* I remain quiet when nearing mania.
* I NEVER snap without provocation.
* I read self -help books.
* I listen to self -help cds.
* I TRY.

I am angry... I already knew that. I was just reading all of my blog posts, I am one helpless mother fucker. I am not in denial that I have a problem, but I just want everyone to feel bad for me and I am scared to get professional help. I am getting professional help. I have a medicine appointment april 24th and I have a therapist appointment may 1st, but I guess I am not scared of getting professional help. I am scared of practicing what I preach. I am scared of walking away from bad situations with HIM. I am just scared to take that leap. But, I am ready to. I already walked away from Him twice today. That was so hard for me and I did it twice. That really is an amazing task for me. I can do this. I can kick this anger to the curb. I really really can.

I talked to my mom today about things She said I just have to walk away. That's all I have to do is just walk away. She said He just has to say things like "Is this going to help or hurt us" and I just said "it'll hurt us" and then walk away. I can do this I really can.

I will lose him if I don't walk away
I will go to jail if I don't walk away.



* Identify what things trigger your anger. Pick a specific incident and think about it.Was your anger a sudden reaction or did it build up slowly until it finally erupted? Did you get angry because you felt startled or afraid? Recognizing the situations that make you feel angry can help you prepare yourself for them.
* Apply positive thinking. Learn to express your anger in a positive way without blaming or shaming someone else. Explain how you feel and why you feel that way, such as "I feel hurt when you ignore me"or "I feel frustrated when I have to fill out these forms". Statements such as these will help you discuss the problem directly and honestly. It's just as important, of course, to listen to the other person's feelings.
* Distract yourself by thinking of something positive in your life. Make a list of four items that make you feel happy and think about them when your emotions are getting out of control. Laughter is a great way to defuse anger so try to find some humor in your situation.
* Get physically active. This can provide a healthy way to discharge your anger. Go to the gym and have a vigorous work-out. Maybe you can express your feelings through painting or playing a musical instrument.
* Learn to relax and reduce the stress in your life. This will help you feel more in control of what you do and say. Relaxation techniques such as meditation and deep breathing can be done anywhere and at any time. There are books and courses available to teach these and other techniques.
* Practice anger management techniques to relieve your physical tension and help you take charge of the situation. Some examples are:
o Slowly repeat a word or phrase such as 'calm down' or 'relax' and take deep breaths.
o Distract your thoughts by working on a hobby or taking a walk.
o Use humour to diffuse the situation and try to see the funny side of a situation.
o Learn stress management techniques such as relaxation, meditation and deep breathing exercises to reduce your stress level.
* Get professional help as soon as possible if your anger is creating major problems in your life or is becoming violent. Discuss your situation with your family doctor or contact an organization that offers counseling in your community.

More ideas to help you manage angry feelings:

Try these and practice them so they become automatic in stressful situations:

* Breathe deeply in and out while slowly counting from one to four.
* Walk away from the situation until you feel calmer.
* Take a few minutes and concentrate on thinking about a pleasant image or memory.
* Tell the other person you are angry. Do this in a respectful way.
* Praise yourself when you have remained calm during a stressful situation.

The Horrible Fight at the Hockey game

I am updating from the lightning game. After I posted earlier things got better and we cleaned up the house. It was actually kind of fun bonding together and doing laundry and stuff. We got our little ferret back thanks to very nice people who found her. When we were done cleaning we watched some of the football game. Then. He and I started screaming about the fact that I want him to dress better. The only time he ever wears nice clothes is when he goes to an on site appointment for work. Other than that he wears pajamas all the time. I just want him to wear nice clothes and shower and brush his teeth. I seriously have to ask him if he has brushed his teeth before I kiss him so I don't smell his bad breath. He never used to do this in the beginning. The one thing that I noticed about him when we first started dating was how clean he kept himself, and how good he dressed. All that has gone out the window. I guess since we have been together for 2 years, he doesn't want to impress me anymore. It hurts. It really is an insult to me that he smells, and only wears nice clothes when he goes to an on site appointment. Well, this is what I was talking to him about last night, and he wouldn't pay attention to me. So, I turned the football game off, and he said it was over because I was trying to control him. I really wasn't. He never pays attention to me when I talk, so, I just turned it off, it was already recording anyway.

He said it was over because I "control" him and make him wear things he doesn't and I manipulate him. That's not the case at all! I don't want him to be a damn scrub. Well, we argued for an hour, and finally he said its not over and we went to the lightning game. However, nothing was better because he left me on the way to the game, he walked away from me when I was crying, and finally when I caught up to him, I told him to knock of the bullshit. I cried outside of the arena, and we missed the entire first period because of his little act outside the arena. My borderline kicked in and I pinched him and wanted to hit him SO BAD. I was also acting paranoid that he was looking at other women while we were outside. Yeah, SO MUCH for things being better huh?

He treated me "So" good once we got inside. I told him that I appreciated that he was treating me better, but not that he was acting like nothing happened. His response was that he just wanted to forget and make things better, I accepted it and we had a better time at the game. But, THE MINUTE we got home he wanted to take a shower by himself, I should have just accepted that, but I took it personal, and we fought for 2 hours,a dn the borderline in me kicked in. I cried, beat the shit out of myself while he ignored me of course, and then we went into the bedroom to watch the Red Wings game we recorded. So, it wasn't a good day to say the least.