The no longer best friend

Well, I havent posted in quite some time, so this will be a long one!

Lets see, for starters, the ONLY best friend I thought I had, isn't my best friend anymore at all. She has BOD too, which I thought was a kind of good thing bc we coudl really relate, but actually, it is horrible. She has been canceling on me every single time we plan to meet up. I ten to cancel ALOT, but NEVER this much, and NEVER to her.) So this past weekend, she was supposed to come over on Friday. It was 330, the time she was supposed ot be over, and I texted her, asking if she was coming over. I didn't get a response until 430, and she said she wasnt able to show up. I got very upset, and I didn't disrespect her or anything, but I just said how I have BPD too, and that it hurts me to be abandoned by her all of the time. She completely flipped out and took it all personal and insulted me, disrespected me..etc. We exchanged texts for a few hours, but I had had enough of it, because I want going to jsut sit there and let her insult me. So I stopped responding, which made her more upset. Then, she said we werent going to be friends anymore because I was "ignoring" her. I didnt really have a problem with that because she was blowing this way out of proportion.

A few hours went by, I went to dinner with my boyfriend, and I came home and got a message from her on MSN. She was flipping out because my sister had sent her a message just saying "Hey, you really didnt have to hurt my sister like that, you really upset her" type of thing, nothing confrontational at all. She took it way too far after that. Saying I am only @ a community college and not a real school, that my boyfirned shouldve left me a long time ago..etc. So I had enough and said some choice words back to her..but she then said she was going to come to my hosue and KILL me! I had to call the police, I was very scared especially since she is so unstable. We just filed a complaint, and she never called again.

It just really hurts me that people do this to me. They manipulate things and make them seem like my fauly. All I did was say it hurts me that she cancels. I did nothing wrong, yet I get htis kind of reaction? Not fair @ all. So, not I am down one friend, which is jsut great because I dont have that many to begin with.

Fucked

I just want to quit school. I just got done taking a lab test for science, and I think I completely bombed the fucking thing. I hate my life

Cut myself again last night..does that mean I am a cutter? I actually like it..is that wrong?

I really thought I was close to recovery, but in all reality, I am worse off than I thought I was..yep..life blows..

I ran out of bud..and I neeeeed it. Man it makes me feel awesome..and I WANT to feel awesome. I neeeeed some green.

College football all day today, hopefully Michigan wins.

Its going to be a great day

Well, monday I was having a awesome day, and it kind of got ruined bc of lies I found out from HIM. HIM not working, etc.( he is an independent contractor, so if he doesnt work, he doesnt get paid). And I cut myself bc of it..the fight we had..

But, thats the past and I am not dwelling on it. I feel good today, today is going ot be a great day and the past is behind me.

A certain someone texted me yesterday and I called them and said leave me alone. I am happy, and do not call me and even try to ruin it.

I am done seeking attention from other men, I really am. And anyone who wants to try to do that to me, will get my fist in their face.

The great weekend

Well, I had a pretty awesome weekend :) Went to Ocala to visit the grandparents, saw my twin sis, and some other family. It was my cousins 10th birthday, so we were going up there for that, and just to visit family. We stayed there from Friday till Sunday. It was pretty nice. Saturday me, HIM, my sism and her husband went to the mall to find us a new bed spread, and we found a really nice one. Thenw e came hoem to set up for the birthday party. Everything was fine but I got like a weird feeling that came over me, and I just felt NUMB AND EMPTY. I hate when I feel like that. It sucks. But, instead of taking it out on everyone, I took a nap, and I felt better when I got up. We had the party, then we went to an old friend from high schools house. It was actually really really fun, we drank, smoked, and played some drinking games :) It was nice that HE got to meet some of my old friends. I kinda got really messed up and drank and smoke too much, but its all good.

We left Sunday morning, and came back home and we rearranged our whoel bedroom bc we got a new king bed!!! It was all in all a really really great weekend. Today has been pretty good so far also.

I am having this problem with two friends of mine though..they are getting on my last nerves. They keep texting me and wont leave me alone!!!!! I am trying not to text as much, bc it really wastes your life away. I dont want to miss a single part of life bc i was too busy texting.

The discovery

Started classes again. I am taking five, and they include Earth Space Science lab and lecture, Art appreciation, journalism, and Math. Fun stuff..

I have felt alright lately, the anxiety is still there, I am off of my meds because I am just a lazy fuck and havent gotten around to making an appointment.. But I did discover weed... oh yes..weed.

Weed makes me feel like the best thing everrr. I looove it. he

Heres to you

Heres to you.
The one who comes crashing in, like a thunderstorm.
Who makes my heart stop beating, makes my thoughts scattered.
The one who treated me like a princess, then let me down.
Heres to you, asshole.
The one that just wanted to screw me.
The one who acts like I dont even exist anymore.
The one who tried to ruin my three year relationship, fuck you. Fuck you, and fuck YOU.