Fucked

I just want to quit school. I just got done taking a lab test for science, and I think I completely bombed the fucking thing. I hate my life

Cut myself again last night..does that mean I am a cutter? I actually like it..is that wrong?

I really thought I was close to recovery, but in all reality, I am worse off than I thought I was..yep..life blows..

I ran out of bud..and I neeeeed it. Man it makes me feel awesome..and I WANT to feel awesome. I neeeeed some green.

College football all day today, hopefully Michigan wins.

Its going to be a great day

Well, monday I was having a awesome day, and it kind of got ruined bc of lies I found out from HIM. HIM not working, etc.( he is an independent contractor, so if he doesnt work, he doesnt get paid). And I cut myself bc of it..the fight we had..

But, thats the past and I am not dwelling on it. I feel good today, today is going ot be a great day and the past is behind me.

A certain someone texted me yesterday and I called them and said leave me alone. I am happy, and do not call me and even try to ruin it.

I am done seeking attention from other men, I really am. And anyone who wants to try to do that to me, will get my fist in their face.

The great weekend

Well, I had a pretty awesome weekend :) Went to Ocala to visit the grandparents, saw my twin sis, and some other family. It was my cousins 10th birthday, so we were going up there for that, and just to visit family. We stayed there from Friday till Sunday. It was pretty nice. Saturday me, HIM, my sism and her husband went to the mall to find us a new bed spread, and we found a really nice one. Thenw e came hoem to set up for the birthday party. Everything was fine but I got like a weird feeling that came over me, and I just felt NUMB AND EMPTY. I hate when I feel like that. It sucks. But, instead of taking it out on everyone, I took a nap, and I felt better when I got up. We had the party, then we went to an old friend from high schools house. It was actually really really fun, we drank, smoked, and played some drinking games :) It was nice that HE got to meet some of my old friends. I kinda got really messed up and drank and smoke too much, but its all good.

We left Sunday morning, and came back home and we rearranged our whoel bedroom bc we got a new king bed!!! It was all in all a really really great weekend. Today has been pretty good so far also.

I am having this problem with two friends of mine though..they are getting on my last nerves. They keep texting me and wont leave me alone!!!!! I am trying not to text as much, bc it really wastes your life away. I dont want to miss a single part of life bc i was too busy texting.

The discovery

Started classes again. I am taking five, and they include Earth Space Science lab and lecture, Art appreciation, journalism, and Math. Fun stuff..

I have felt alright lately, the anxiety is still there, I am off of my meds because I am just a lazy fuck and havent gotten around to making an appointment.. But I did discover weed... oh yes..weed.

Weed makes me feel like the best thing everrr. I looove it. he

Heres to you

Heres to you.
The one who comes crashing in, like a thunderstorm.
Who makes my heart stop beating, makes my thoughts scattered.
The one who treated me like a princess, then let me down.
Heres to you, asshole.
The one that just wanted to screw me.
The one who acts like I dont even exist anymore.
The one who tried to ruin my three year relationship, fuck you. Fuck you, and fuck YOU.

Havent blogged in awhile..

Wow, I havent posted in awhile!! I got the jobs at Books a million! I am so happy. I havent worked too many hours yet, but hopefully thats just because it is just training. I am going to talk to them today and make sure I can get more hours. I like the job, its pretty easy going, and all the people are really nice,so its a good fit!

Him and I are pretty good, things really have changed for the better. He is on new meds and my DBT is going great, so things are definitely looking up.