I am always there for him

Did I mention that my boyfriend is Bi-polar? Yeah, that makes this relationhip much more difficult..

Yesterday, Jeff and I were having a pretty good day, I went to the Chiropractor (I had an accident a yr ago, and started going to the Dr's for the pains in my neck), and things were going pretty good, but he started lashing out on me. Usually, I take what he says to heart (like any normal person would), but, I tried letting things roll off of my shoulder. Its not like I am letting him walk all over me and its not like I am letting him treat me however he feels. I am trying to be the bigger person, and by not taking things personally our fights will be a lot less severe. So, when he lashed out on me and insulted me, I just let it roll off my shoulder.

I took the ferrets for a walk on their leash! They are getting ahold of walking on them! Its so much fun to see them learn new things. Its just like having children. I asked Jeff if he could take a break from working to come see them and he said no. It really upset me because he always just sits around and doesnt work, and whenever I want/need him to do something, he all the sudden is busy. I told him this, and he understood. He then went out with us to see them walking, but they got really really tired:( After that, Jeff totally broke down. He went out on the couch, and was curled up in a ball. He started crying and shaking. He explained to me that he has been really stressed out and he is very sorry for how he was treated me. I feel so bad for him. I hav ea personality disorder, but its nothing like being bipolar. He was giving himself a headache, and is body was extremely warm. I was there for him the entire time. He usually isnt there for me when I need him, he says he becomes "paralyzed" and cant be there for me. I shouldve just let him cry to himself, let him fend for himself like he makes me do. But, I am not heartless. I cannot just leave the person who I love in the cold crying and needing someone to hold on to, and not being there.

The rest of the night was great, I made us dinner, we took a walk, and watched the Olympics. Jeff really appreciated that I was there for him. Atleast he appreciates me and knows what I do for him ya kno?

I realize..either you can fight fire with fire, or you can be there for the people who you love the most, with unconditional love, and thats what I am going to do. Yes, I couldve just done to him what he does to me (ignoring..etc.) But like I said, I love him. Maybe one day he will understand what I do for him, and he will do the same for me..

Being bipolar must be hard. It seems like the disorder manipulates you. I used to think Jeff was a manipulator, but he really isnt. Its his disorder. Seriously. Today, we got into a little fight, and out of nowhere he tells me its over and never wants to see me again! Last night, he tells me how much he loves me and how much he needs me, then he says its over? See, with my disorder, I take EVERYTHING personally. Things I should, and things I shouldnt. So, I could make our fights much worse, I could stary crying and screaming and getting all upset that he says its over..or, I could just choose to ignore it. i am choosing to ignore it and be a bigger person.


Jeff and I are going mini-golfing tonight. Its my last day of summer. Tomorrow I start college again:(