Time for a change, for real this time.

Wednesday and Thursday of last week were pretty bad for me. I really went ape shit to say the least. I broke things, tried to hit my fiance, and just went nuts. Him and I fought a ton and I just could not handle it when he ignores me. I flew off the handle and could NOT control myself. This is probably because I was taking my meds sporadically. But, I have been taking my meds more regularly though. I have felt better since Thursday, I just have to keep taking them. God, I get mad at my fiance for forgetting Shis meds and causing his moods to be all over the place, and here I am doing it...

We went to a couples counselor Thursday. She was alright, I guess I will give her a chance even though she called me "eccentric." But, I did tell her I have BPD and she didn't get all weird about it. She actually knows about BPD so that made things a little better. She respected us and I felt like I could tell her the honest truths about our relationship. We told her about the violence and all the disrespect. We didn't sugarcoat anything.

On another note..I have a lot of catching up to do this week. I skipped class Wednesday through Friday, due to our fighting. `At least we only have school until Wednesday because of Thanksgiving. I don't think I could handle a full week of school right now.

I am ready for a life change. I am sick of being negative and letting my disorder control my life. I am sick of not having an active social life. Yeah I might have friends, but I want to be more active in my social life. Maybe not meeting more people necessarily, but doing more than just holing myself up in the house. That could be another reason I am so miserable. I don't want to start too big, by having a bunch of stuff to do everyday. But at least once per day I have to do SOMETHING. I am going to start out with yoga everyday at least one a day and reading at least once a day. That is my goal this week. To do yoga and read everyday once per day at least :) When I succeed with that, then I will add more. Also, I am going to start doing a better job of judging people. For instance..thinking they are ugly, or weird, or dumb etc. I need to do something to better myself at least once a day too and this week I am working on not being so judgmental.