Friday, November 26, 2010

Fights, hockey, best friends, and thanksgiving

Let see..I hate to talk about the negative things in my life, but you have to talk about them. I cannot just ignore them and type about all the good things going on in my life. i have to be realistic..

Okay, so Tuesday was a pretty good day at first. At first being the key words right there..Woke up, felt amazing, ate a good breakfast, and felt really good about things. Cleaned the car before class, and the fiance did not even act like I did anything. He was like, oh it looks good. Ugh, why do I hang on what he says so much? Who gives a shit that he only said it looked good. Why does it have to be more than that? Well, all I did was say babe, you know, I wish you would act like I did more than just make something look "good." He then replied with " Are you fucking kidding me." I know I probably should have let it go. I shouldn't have said "why did you only say it looked good, etc." But whenever I tell this boy my feelings he flips out. He didn't have to say are you fucking kidding me. That was uncalled for. Well, I went to school and I did not have time to argue with him. Well then he apologized etc. Well, then I come home at like 530 after being at school for awhile working on the student paper, and when I got home, I started talking to him. I told him how I was feeling so great that morning and hadn't done anything to him and he STILL fought with me, still treated me like shit. How is that fair?? I get treated as if I am disrespecting him, and here I am doing absolutely nothing. It did no good to tell him, because we fought for 4 hours. Yes you read that right, 4 hours! he said it was over, he busted out his phone trying to call his parents and tell them that I hit him (Which I didn't). So I get all worked up, scream, yell, try to get his phone out of his hand, and he of course takes this as I am being violent. I just cannot handle when I just try to tell him my feelings or talk about something, he says its over and tries to leave. It drives me nuts. I asked him why he wanted it to be over when he is the one ausing all this shit, and he is like "Because it is all you. You hurt me, insult me. etc etc etc." Yes, maybe I do that, But I haven't in awhile!! This day was ALL HIM!! HE KEPT SAYING IT WAS ALL ME AND THAT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! Not to add, that he is bipolar. Literally he is, takes meds for it. Its so difficult to be in a relationship with two people who have mental disorders! After fighting for 4 hours, he finally realized that it was all him that night. He apologized, etc. But 4 hours of my life were still wasted. Wasted fighting, and wasted trying to get him to realize what he did wrong. It is so exhausting.

Wednesday was a better day though. Had class and came home, got so stoned and played some call of duty <3 my BFF came over and I cooked for him and my fiance. We went to a hockey game and had a blast. Then we watched south park and I looooved it. I cannot believe i ever thought that show was dumb, I had only seen a few episodes! I love when he comes over. Him and I are so alike. Whenever I bust out a bowl to smoke, he NEVER turns it down. He is always game for anything, to hang out, go somewhere, etc. He is very spontaneous (just like me) and he even thinks he has BPD too. Its really nice to be able to talk to him when my fiance and I fight. It's not like I talk shit to him either. I really tell him the truth about my fiance and I and he offers good advice. I called him after that fight Tuesday night, and he thinks my fiance and I should postpone getting married. I couldn't agree more. We have only picked out a date, but we haven't put money down on anything yet. I know we are not ready to get married I guess I just want us to be...My fiance and I have been talking about it though, and we are postponing it. If in a few months we are ready (After BOTH of us getting help for our issues) then we will go ahead with the wedding at the date we wanted. But if not, then that is when we will tell everybody we are waiting..

Thanksgiving was great! Drove to Ocala Thursday morning, and watched the parade with my grandparents. It was weird though, when I got there. Without my sister being there, it was going to be so different. I cannot remember the last time we didn't spend Thanksgiving together. But, I guess all in all it was okay. We got some lunch, and got high in the car as we were picking up lunch for my grandparents. I am absolutely thrilled that I discovered cannabis. Without it, I couldn't handle most situations. Got back to my grandparents and watched some football, even though the Lions are terrible. Took a walk, got high even more, and took some awesome pictures. Him and I got along great and family came over. Played some pictionary and had a great time. i had a friend from high school come over and it was overall a great night.

I am about to leave for a friends house. She invited us over for dinner and to watch the hockey games. Is it weird that I am extremely excited to go? I do not go to friends houses often so I am really looking forward to going!!


UndercoverBorderline said...

were you watching the wings/bluejackets? lol.

Negative things need to be expressed; otherwise you just feel worse. I don't mind hearing the bad shtuff [i post it too a lot] but life isn't unicorns and glitter, and you shouldn't feel apologetic for posting negative. ♥

I have a friend, much like myself too. except he has DID, we are very similar, in life, and interpersonal relationships. I think it's wonderful to have someone who can understand you exactly. but at the same time, I'd never date someone like myself >.>

It seems like you split your friend white. I do the same >.> I don't think much can be done about that though. lol