Friday, May 22, 2009

A fight...

Had a fight today..didnt hit him or anything, but I bashed my head all of the place and I bashed the walls with my fists..cried endlessly, all while He ignored me. I just dont know when the ignoring will ever stop. Or if it ever will stop, it might just go on forever, wouldnt that be nice?

I had to take my math test at school today in the schools testing center because I wont be here when the test is taken by everyone else. I will be at my grandmas house in Tennessee. I totally bomed the test. Not only was I upset and stressed out because he was fighting with me, I didnt know the material as well as I should have. I think we can drop one test grade, I'm guessing. So, this will definitly be the one I drop.

Tonight we have a meetup at a hockey bar with our hockey group to watch the Red Wings game..dont know what else we are doing this weekend. We will have to see.

Until next time..

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The awesome boyfriend

I got a new computer today! It an HP mini. It is awesome! Its soo tiny and compact and it can fit in my purse:) My boyfriend new I really really wanted it. So he got it for me and it came in the mail today! I love him soo much, I really appreciate everything he does for me. We have really been getting along recently. Our sex like is back, and things are going great.

I am going to visit my grandma (my dads mom) in Tennessee, my sister and my brother and law are going to.. my bf cant go :( He cant miss work though..but maybe itll be good for us to have a few days to ourselves.

Tonight, just watchin hockey of course and I am going to do a practice test for my first test in math. It is wednesday, but I am taking it early since I will be at my grandmas place. I took the quiz a few days ago and it was pretty easy! So maybe I can get an A in this class!

So, things are going well and I hope it stays that way for awhile. Till next time..

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Update on the Job search

Well, I didnt get the job. :( Yeah, I am kind sad about it, but what can you do? I am going to call the places I applied to last week, tomorrow so I can see if I can get somethin else..

In the mean time I am just looking for a job and hoping it comes along..

until next time..

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Agony of waiting for a response

Okay, so I went to my interview yesterday afternoon. The manager was pretty nice, the interview lasted only ten minutes but he seemed to be in a hurry. He said he would let me know in 48 hours if they hire me or not! I had a dream last night.. (its coming back to me now) that I got the job I think! I really hope that is true. I still have anxiety and stuff but I think I am much better. I haven't worked in like 6 months and I think I have gotten much much better since I haven't worked in awhile. I really really want a job. That sounds kind of odd coming out of me, but I really want the responsibility. I can handle it now, I really really can.

On another note.. My hockey team won their game 7 last night (Detroit Red Wings) it was awesome! Two of my friends came over, and we had a lot of fun. They are from Detroit and they are two of my really really good friends. Its nice to watch the games with them.

School is going well. I am only taking one class over the summer (math) and I seem to be up to speed on it and not lost yet. I am trying my best to get a B in this class..But one thing that annoys me. There is this girl who sits behind me and before I finish working the problem we are supposed to be working on, she blurts out the fucking answer! Its sooo annoying. Sometimes she isn't even right! I want to say something to her..or I might just sit somewhere else..

Well, I am going to apply online to some more jobs. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The interview

Hello everybody! You know how I have been trying to get a job?? Well, I have an interview tomorrow at 3! I am so excited! I really believe I can get the job, and I believe I can turn things around and be on time and not feel extremely anxious and worry about things when I am at work. I believe in myself, I really really do.

DBT was pretty good yesterday, it was probably one of the best meetings, I got a lot out of it. I had an individual skills training appointment a half hour afterwards. That was really nice, my counselor gave me a lot of great advice on how to deal with situations and problems. One main thing I have learned is that emotions are not bad, its okay to be angry, but its NOT okay to react and give into that emotion.. There are plenty of steps I have learned so I can act in the way I need to. I am very thankful to my counselor and this Mental Health place because I dont know where I would be without it. It is really helping me.

I am at school right now, yeah I know its the summer! But, I am taking a summer class (math) ugh! But, I HAD to take it this semester because I only have 3 maths left and 3 semesters, so I had no choice :( But, just sitting here at school makes me think of my boyfriend who is paying for my school. It means so much to me that he is letting me go to school and is letting me get even closer to my dream of becoming a sports reporter. If he wasnt helping me, I dont even know when I would be able to afford school. It wouldnt happen for a ver long time. I am very appreciative of his help, it means very much to me..

Plans for tonight, playoff hockey and America Idol. My wings lost last night..UGH. But there is a game 7 tomorrow night in Detroit.. they HAVE to win tomorrow, literally!

I am out..hope you all are getting something from my blog! Until later..


Monday, May 11, 2009

Still Fighting

Hm..lets see..dont really want to talk about how me and my bf have hasnt been so good. I have flipped out and gotten violent again. I have tried wise mind a few times, and it has worked a few times, and sometimes it doesnt..we will see how this progresses.

Just trying to get a job. I really dont want one but I have to pay for my school and I want some extra cash to do my hair and help Him out with all of our bills since he is the only one working right now..

Other than that..not too much more to post. I met my new friend, Andrea, she is awesome. I love her! She is just like me and we relate a lot. Im so glad to have her as a friend.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Yay!!! I used wise mind a few minutes ago and it worked:) yeah buddy! My bf was being a total jerk and I thought of the facts, and I calmed myself down! It was so awesome, I am proud of myself!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Upset and sad

I am not as happy as I was last post.. the bf and I fought last night, and I hit myself pretty badly...not a good day..and today I am just soooo ungodly tired..going to DBT soon..

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The new friend!

Hey all who read this, and all who dont..

I have been feeling great on the mental side of things lately. The medicine does make me extremely tired, but that might be just because I have only been on it for a week. Other than that, I have been anxiety free and pretty happy. So that is great, and me and my boyfriend have been getting along great, and I am very happy.

I also met (well we havent met yet) but this girl I have been meaning to meet up with for a babysitting thing said that she had bpd on her myspace. I was like wow, I dont know if this is a sign or what, but I texted her about it and she was very open and we talked about it for like an hour online. I think she might be the best friend I have been looking for. I mean yeah, I have my sister, and she will always be like a best friend to me forever, but I want to find a non family member who lives around me who can be there. We are meeting Sunday! I am excited!

Red wings won! (my hockey team for those of you who aren't familiar with hockey) They are leading the series 1-0 against the Ducks. The game was awesome, and they play again Sunday, cant wait to see it!