Friday, March 27, 2009

More Borderline Moments was kind of rough...yet productive.. I will explain..

I have been missing my ferrets lately..a lot. I have regretted giving them away ever since we did, and I of course cannot get hold of the girl who stiffed us by not giving is our money. She changed her number and there is no way to get a hold of her. I almost bought a ferret today, which would have been really bad, He would have gotten very very upset at me, but I was smart and thought against it.

Also, collectors keep calling us. I am so sick of this happening. Its not like we don't have any money, we are just very lazy and irresponsible, and forget to pay our bills. I am very bad with money and I wish I was better at managing it.

But, I applied to some part time jobs today! I have been applying to a lot that allow me to maintain a blog and get paid for it, others are internships. I hope I get one job! There was one that was hiring for a Tampa Bay Lightning blog writer, I hope I get that and the box office job at the Forum that I applied for! That would def. be enough money to pay for school and taxes with.

I am taking 2 classes over the summer. Sociology online and intro to broadcasting on campus. These only last for a month, so I will still have a few months of summer to enjoy myself! I would be very happy if I got the blog job, the box office job, and was going to school. I wouldnt have enough time to be irresponsible!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Back and Happy

Well, I have been back from NYC for awhile. Lets just say I would NEVER live there, just visit!!

Him and I have actually been pretty good. We haven't fought that much, with the exception of yesterday, and things are really on the up and up! I don't feel that jealous anymore to ask him all kinds of questions about women, I have been feeling pretty good.

My next therapy appt is May 1st (yeah, a little too long) and my medicine appt is April 24! So I cant wait to get on some drugs. I am taking some meds for headaches and neck pains and it just happens to be an anti-depressant, so maybe thats what is making me happier! IDK we will see!

Friday, March 13, 2009

New York City in 1 day

My spring break couldn't be happening at a better time. I am on this new medicine, which my chiropractor gave me for headaches, but happens to be an anti-depressant, so I thought, hey, kill two birds in one stone! Well, the medicine has really f-ed me up. It has made my anxiety so much worse and has made me have thoughts of suicide. My bf said I should stop taking it, but I want to feel it out for a little bit longer. But like I was saying, I am going to NYC for spring break with the media club for school. It couldn't be happening at a better time, I am miserable and maybe this is what I need to cheer me up.

I am going to miss Him terribly. I hope He doesn't do anything that I wouldn't like, and I hope he doesn't like the fact that I am gone. I am so worried about that. I hope we don't fight while I am up there either. This is my first trip to NYC and I would be very upset if fighting ruined it.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bored as hell

My anxiety has been bad lately..real bad. I was supposed to do a lot today, and I just didn't. Instead, I walk around the house, downloaded music, and was just irresponsible. This anxiety has a hold on me.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The realization

Last night was great. Him and I watched 24, which was 2 hours long!! It was an awesome episode.

I really need to change. He has been threatening to leave me if I dont. I know he isnt kidding at all, he just really wants to "light a fire under my butt" so I change. He left me for 3 days earlier, and I know he would leave me forever, I cant have that. I cannot lose him. Not because I depend on him, because I am deeply in love with him and he is the one for me. I cannot lose the one. Now, I know I cannot do that alone. He cannot help me, no one else can but myself and therapy. I am prepared to be different, God I really really am. I have said this before but I am serious. I really really really am going to change. Its going to take a lot of hard work and dedication but I can do it. I really really can...

TODO Today

1. Call all bills and figure out all debts, make budget sheet.
2. Finish all of my homework for Wednesdays classes.
3. Organize all to dos and make a specific deadline, i.e Friday.

Monday, March 2, 2009


'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
She will never love you more than I do..<3