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Monday, December 13, 2010

Controlling anger

Life has been pretty okay lately. I've just been struggling lately with my anger. I do not know how much of this is related to BPD or how much is related my my withdrawal and my addiction...but whatever it is, it is taking complete control of me. Whenever I am in a fight with my fiance, I get so angry and I pick something up and throw it against the floor or the wall. Every time we are out shopping and I buy a knick-nack ,he gets upset and says there is no point in buying it if I am just going to get angry and throw it when I am pissed again. I hate this about myself. I just do not know how to stop. This is all I have been doing for 5 years. This is the only coping mechanism I have known. Other than insulting people, the only thing I know how to do when I am pissed is to break things. Speaking of insults, I have been bad with those too. I have said so many choice words to my fiance, and I wish I could take them back. So this week, I am working on my insults and I am going to do all that I can not to break anything. The only other coping strategy my old therapists have told me is to "Walk away" or take a "time out." This sounds so foreign to me. Everyone makes it sound so easy. "Just take a time out when you are about to break something or if it gets bad," they say. For someone who always finds the need to solve things right at that very moment, it is pretty difficult to just walk way. But I know this is what I have to do. The way I treat my fiance is not acceptable. The way I destroy things is insane and it must stop.

5 comments:

Verity Vaudeville said...

There has to be a way. Some route you can take that's going to get you to where you need to be. Hugs.

UndercoverBorderline said...

is there an activity you can do that won't break things? I used to have a punching bag, I would beat that thing senseless.

Addison said...

I have been to the point of throwing things, slamming doors, breaking things. It's just my own way of venting my anger, I guess.

Some things my therapist told me to do were to tear up a stuffed animal or throw ice cubes in the tub -- its loud but doesnt hurt anything.

Young and frustrated BPD sufferer said...

I don't know for certain but maybe it comes down to triggers, like for example, any of the other traits that us BPD sufferers have to deal with... If we know what the exact trigger of our behaviour is then maybe thats the best place to start in terms of changing or adapting it, so that you can recognise it before it gets to the stage where you react in a negative way???

Anne Sunder said...

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