Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Haven't blogged since Thanksgiving. Lots has been going on in my life these days.

First, I had a great Friday. My fiance and I had a lazy day. We woke up around noon (we were pretty tired I guess) and we watched some football. Then we went to a friends house for Thanksgiving #2! It was really nice. Everyone there was welcoming and friendly. After we ate we watched a few hockey games which was a lot of fun. I drank (Which I usually never do), and I was a little drunk too LOL. After that, we headed home and watched some south park. I cannot believe that I ever thought this show was stupid! It think its brilliant.

Saturday was pretty much the same. Slept in, watched football. My team lost badly, but they are going to a bowl game so that's good. After getting pretty high and watching a few football games, some friends came over for our bonfire. We have been having them almost every weekend. But this time, there was a pretty good group of people, probably about 10:) Felt good to have friends actually show up to something of ours. THe fire was going pretty well and everyone seemed to be having a good time. I then asked everyone if they wanted to play truth or dare and everyone got really excited, so we started to play. It was all cool for awhile but then this guy (one of our friends) says he wants to make the game dirty, and I was game for that. However, I started to get real pissed off and couldnt seem to handle it. Every sexual question people would ask my fiance, he always applied it to him and an ex'es sex life. Like, WHAT THE FUCK? I guess we hadn't been together for 4 years. He told me later he forgot about the fact we fucked in a public place so he thought only him and his ex had. This upset me a lot We made love on the fucking beach, yet when a friend asks him if he has ever had sex in a public place and my fiance says yes, in a locker room with my, you bet I am going to get pissed off. I started to feel lousy. I ran into the house and locked myself in the bathroom. I wanted to hit myself. I wanted to feel something other than what i was feeling at that present moment. My eyes were searching for any sharp object I could find, but I failed miserably. My fiance was banging on the door telling me to come out and open the door etc. etc. But I wouldn't. I wanted my BFF. I wanted him to come in and rescue me and talk me out of hurting myself. I would listen if he came to the door..But he was too busy getting drunk with his annoying girlfriend outside to even have realized what was going on inside the house with me. Part of me thinks he wouldn't even really be that concerned...

After a late trip to Denny's, I was pretty pissed off. After our friends left, I talked to my fiance about it, and I TRIED to talked to him calmly, but it was IMPOSSIBLE it seemed. I yelled and cried and threw a plate on the floor and smashed it.. Then he went to bed, and so did I...

Sunday was alright :) Went to study with a friend for math at Barnes and Noble. She is so sweet! We studied for awhile, and my fiance picked me up to go to his parents house, which wasn't so bad. We were celebrating Thanksgiving with them and his moms and my bday. We had a good time and we both started feeling sick so we went home early and passed out.

Monday was AMAZING. My fiance and I did not fight and I did yoga while he went to his therapy meeting. Tuesday I actually went in studio to a yoga class (for the first time) and it was AWESOMEEEEEEE. I am going back Saturday!!