Life.

I feel like I have no friends. I have all these friends on my facebook, and none of them seem to want to hang out with me. I feel so alone. I envy my friends' lives..I wish I could be normal.

Being BPD holds me back so much. I barely have any friends, if I told them I was liek this, they would get far, far away from me. I am in school, and a lot of the times my anxiety and anger holds me back in school, and I don't get good grades on something because I was too worried/stressed out.

I guess I havent accepted the fact that I have this disorder. I know I have it, but I dont want to accept this as my life. I hate this, the thing I call my life..

As I type, I am also cutting myself. I already hit my legs, and have enough bruises to look at for awhile.. I wish I was better..

I know my boyfriend is going to read my blog. I really dont want him to. I hate that he reads it..but I dont care anymore. THIS IS ME.

I dont want to go to school tomorrow. I want to lay in bed all day..maybe I will do that until I have to go to school..if I go to school, why does it matter what I do before then?

Cant WAIT for thanksgiving (Sarcasm). My grandparents already said we cant bring all of our dogs, only one. How crappy is that? And, why do I even want to go up to see my family anyway? All they ever do is ignore me and talk about my sisters "perfect" life, or they talk about family things that I was never aware of because no one cared to tell me about them.

Part of me just wants to have Thanksgiving with my boyfriend here @ our home. But, I will get a lot of shit from my mother if I do that.

I am always the bad guy. No matter what.