Where is my I am depressed today card?

I know what the problem is.

I AM DEPRESSED. OFFICIALLY DEPRESSED.

I tend to deny the fact that I am depressed when i am because I am usually the "happy" one, or the "fun" "hyper" one. So, I try to keep up what I "should" be, and being depressed, isnt what I should be. Especially with a life that I have. I have an amazing boyfriend who would do anything for me. I have a nice house, doing good in school, 3 amazing dogs and 3 amazing cats, we arent strapped for money at all, and look, I am STILL not happy. It isnt because these things arent good enough, it is because I am DEPRESSED.

I have a medicine appointment on Dec 11. I have to wait THAT LONG to get on crazy pills. I dont know if I am going to last until then. I am already not sane enough, I do not know how I can wait that long to see a Doctor.

Today, my boyfriend goes onsite. He usually work at home (90 percent of the time) but today he has to go to a few businesses to fix their computers. I hate when he has to do this, because I get all worried and jealous of the women he is interacting with. I worry so much about what they say to him..etc.

I really wish someone would hand me a "I am depressed today" card. So, that would get me out of cleaning the house, I could sleep all day without any consequences, and I could just mope around all day and get away with it. Thats my wish for today.

I am supposed to go to this get together and paint pottery with these girls tonight, but I am not going to go..no one there would like me anyway and I would just make a fool out of myself.