A little more conversation.. <3

I haven't written in sometime..

Things have been alright. I used a DBT skill last week, I am not sure which one..but it had something to do with prompting events. My therapist said if we keep making the same mistakes, the same things are going to keep happening, that we have to BREAK THE CYCLE.

If we want a desirable outcome, we must work for it. I was really down about Math class, because I had to study, study, study to even pass the class. The odds were definately against me. I had to retake a test for a better grade and I had to do somewhat well on the final. But, I told myself, I want to pass this class don't I? Then, I have to do the work required in order to pass this class. If I keep doing the bare minimum work, I will get bare minimum results. So, I did everything in my power to study for the test. I re took the test, and I studied away. My teacher said she would have the grade in a week. I told myself that I did the best I could do. (and that was the truth, I really really did) All of a sudden last week I checked my grades, and I got a C!!!!!! I passed the class! I did it all by myself really. My friend came over a few times to help me, but I think all he wanted to do was check me out..he wasnt really interested in helping me per Se..

I am just really proud of myself. I passed my class and I did it myself because I did the work that was necessary. But, all in all, I did it, and that makes me happy.

Tonight, I had great conversation with my boyfriend. We had a great dinner, and we drank copious amounts of wine. Then, we took a shower, and he made me feel amazing. He told me he is sorry for everything he has ever, ever done or said to me to hurt me. We took an hour long shower, and made love. Then we laid in bed for 3 hours, talking until midnight about things, things that were real. I was being so real with him and it felt good to talk about my childhood..fears..etc..

I just wish I could talk so real like this when I was sober..but hopefully in the future that will work itself out. I just know I had the best conversation with him tonight and I was completely open with him, and he was completely open with me. I love him, I really really do. It is hard for me to experience good emotions (being BPD and all) but, I do love him, that is one thing I am sure about.